Get Off My Chair.

I have a favorite chair,  a very comfy chair, a chair my Loving Hubby bought me when I was pregnant with Girl A...but I have a problem with the chair.  It attracts children who want me to rock them, hold them or to just wiggle and squiggle and piss me off.

Every night after baths I sit down in this chair, I read or knit or do homework, but its always in this chair.  Every night I am interrupted by a kid.  Now, I love the little boogers to death, I really do, but really?  During the day when I'm just sitting there between loads of laundry or between dishes or vacuuming or what ever else I have going on, no one bothers me, but if I sit down to do something...oh...hell..no.  They descend on me like vultures, circling their prey.  They don't always climb up on my lap, sometimes,and worst of all, they'll just sit off to the side, leaning on my arm rest.  This doesn't bother me because I was utilizing the arm rest, no, it irritates the hell out of me because they rock me when I don't want to be rocked, or they stop me from rocking, or worse yet, they just "jiggle" the fricken chair. 

At first, I say very politely, "Please get off of mommy's chair, I don't like it when you do that."  This usually buys me about 5 min of piece before, and it's always the same kid, they come back and are back at the annoying game of "Piss Mom Off".  Second time around sounds more like, "Now that's enough!  Please get off of my chair, I don't like that it makes me mad".  I consider this fair warning to the little lovies that the next offense will have me yelling.  Ten minutes tops and they're back at it, this time it sounds like "GET OFF MY DAMN CHAIR! I DON'T LIKE THAT, IT MAKES ME MAD, BACK OFF BEFORE I SPANK YOU!!!" 

Now, this is where the tears start.  Oh my GxD mom...just...yelled at me!!!  BaaaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  Cry me a freakin river you little twirp.  We go through this every night.  When it first started happeneing I always felt instantly bad and would scoop them up and rock them and love them, but now...get over it.  Every Night!  Every single night we have to play this little charade, and it comes as a shock every night!  Really?  Kid gets a burn from a flat iron I told them to stay away from and now they won't even come in the doorway when I'm doing my hair, but sit in a chair and yell at them every night and the memory is wiped out every morning!??!?!?!?!  Maybe I should sit armed with a flat iron instead of a laptop and sarcastic words?!

PS ( I have said "Get Off Of My Chair" at least 5 times since I started writing this...)