Always lock the deadbolt!

Good Morning Thursday! I wake up to midterm day and rain...oh joy!  The morning seems pretty uneventful, I shower, get dressed and get the kids downstairs and dressed.  Sean gets himself and Girl A around and head out for school and work.  I am left at home with the two little ones.  While I check my school email, I let Boy and Girl B play.  I notice they are playing by the door, opening and closing it while the wave at no one and giggle.  Pretty soon the noise stops.  I get up and Boy has let himself and Girl B outside!!!!! 

Girl B is halfway down the driveway, and Boy is splashing in puddles with no coats on and in the pouring rain.  I run out in the rain and grab Girl A and bring her back inside.  I run back outside and grab Boy and bring him back inside.  He's screaming "No mamma, Noooo!" in a very annoying high pitched voice.  I shut the door, and go back to my email, which is important because there is an email from one of my professors.  I hear the kids at the door again, Boy opened the outer door and is contemplating going back outside.  This time I shut the door and just lock it.  Back to my email. 

HE OPENS THE DOOR AGAIN!!!!  This time I'm mad.  I need to read this freaking email for my midterm in about an hour and the little shit is playing games!!!  I get up, instant time out, and shut and lock the deadbolt.  That'll fix 'em!  Lesson of the day, always lock the deadbolt!

A Letter to the Clothes Laundry

  Dear Clothes Laundry,

     I HATE you!  You are so time consuming, and even if I get you wash, dried and folded, one of the hooligans comes along and unfolds you before I can put you away.  Why can't you be more like the sheets?  The are easily washed, dried and top sheet ironed before being folded (true fitted sheet takes a little bit to fold properly, but it gets done) and put away.  Blankets? I love those guys!  Wash, Dry, Fold, Linen closet, done!  What about socks, you ask?  Don't worry about socks, I have dealt with them and their annoying, trouble making ways (those bitches).  You clothes lauldry, you just seem to refuse to follow the predetermined program, so I will tell you One More Time...

1. Purchase
2. Wash
3. Wear
4. Clothes Hamper
5. Wash
6. Fold/Hang
7. Repeat 3 through 6! FOREVER, or until I decide we don't want you or can't fit in you any more.

There is no escape.  Even if I donated you, your new owner would put you through the same rigorous schedule or worse, they might cut you into rags or use you for animal bedding!

   Let's try to be friends, huh?  I'm not all that bad (if you belong to the Hooligans, I'm sorry, but they won't get better for a while yet).   I promise to wash you fold/hang you and wear you if you just promise to stop over taking the house.  Stop piling up to enormous amounts that take days to get through.  Perhaps you could find it in your heart to magically jump in the washer for me when you know its about to get out of control?  OR, if that doesn't work, make me think I need to do dishes by hand, Lord knows the dishes conspire against me and get me soaking wet, I usually start a load after that business! 

Sincerely, B (aka, the angry lady who throws you in the washer while swearing)