In my short four years of parenting I have learned that there are some phases you can utter that will instantly set the fear of death into your little ones hearts. They will scream and cry and have a nuclear melt down the size of Chernobyl. Here is a small list that I have experienced:
1. "Get out of the Kitchen!" -- Not the meanest thing I have been known to say, but apparently it's pretty rough. Upon uttering these words, one or more of the kitchen encroachers will burst into tears and throw themselves at my feet, furthering my frustrationthat they're in the kitchen in the first place and ensuring that I will repeat the same phrase as I scoop them up and rush them out of the kitchen. How am I supposed to refill their damn cuppy if they are always right in my path, following me around like a dog waitingfor his food bowl?!?!?!
2. "Get out of the dog water!" -- No wonder they follow me around like a dog..they're playing in his water!!! Once this phrase has passed my lips, screams lament errupt from their mouths, they are so upset that they're in trouble, they sometimes throw the dog water dish and make a bigger mess. Aren't they sweet when they're regretful?
3. "Get off my damn chair!" --See previous post for more indepth description, but here's the gist; These kids won't get of my chair when I'm in it, it irritates the hell out of me, I scream those terrifying words, they scream like I just drove a an imaginary knife into their little hearts. A-NNOY-ING
4. "Do you want Momma to spank your butt?" --This one can sometimes be answered with a simple "no", but sometimes it gets answered with a scream that can curdle blood. Why? Because they know the question is not rhetorical, I mean it. If I asked, then they know whatever they were just doing that they thought was fantastical fun, is actually really not cool, and could be met with a butt spanking, and this is apparently earth shattering for them.
6. "Pick up the living room, please" -- I'm not even screaming this one..well, not at first. And it is always met with "I can't dooo it" and tears that could flood the low lying surrounding areas. I don't know why it is such a hostile sentence to them, they all like running wild around a clean living room. Ask them to pick up their toys, and you might as well have asked them to throw out their beloved lovie, or giraffe or tv in their room.
7. "No you can't have a snack, I'm fixing lunch" -- "But I don't like lunch, I'm not hungry for lunch" Really kid?!?! You just asked for food, I'm telling you I am about to serve you food and your fighting me on it!?!? Well, guess what toots, you either eat lunch, or you're going hungry!!!
There are many many more, I'm sure, but these are just the few that I have spoken today alone... parenting is so much fun!
