Dishes, my Nemesis

 Who remembers the scene in "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" were the brother is told to do the dishes and you cut away to him skeet shooting the dirty dishes from the roof? 

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Yep, wish I could do that...but I am a terrible shot and well, dishes are expensive.

I hate doing dishes for several reasons.  It's not my assigned chore, Hubby does the kitchen, I do the living room.  However that doesn't mean that sometimes he slacks on his chore to the point where I end up doing it, so when I do have to wash dishes..I'm flaming hot mad.  My Hubby is incapable of scraping a dish before setting in the sink or on the counter, so all the left over food is there waiting for me.  He is also a fan of filling things with water to "soak" for days at a time letting the water get super scummy and smelly.  He's not the only one guilty of these offenses, I occasionally do it too, but if I'm going to do the dishes, you better believe they all get done. 

WARNING: TOTALLY INRELATED SIDE NOTE, SKIP AHEAD IF IN A RUSH!

When we started dating, my first trip to the Hubby's house (yes, he owned a house when we met) I was scared to find all his dishes were dirty in his sink.  He asked if I wanted something to drink and I replied "yes, but not from that kitchen" I went to the party store and bought us both some...beverages.  I should have known that he wasn't a good dish washer.  The next time I ventured to his house his kitchen was immaculate, which was a good thing since he offered to cook me dinner ( a man that cooks you try to hold onto), so when I arrived he said "Ok, before I can cook we need to go to the store and buy some new dishes and pots and pans" "Ok...what happened to the ones you had?" "Oh, I decided just to throw them out and buy new ones instead of washing them all, I never really liked those ones anyway"  (please imagine a very shocked, jaw-dropped look, because that's how I looked at the end of that sentence). 
After buying new dishes, he managed to hold onto those for a couple of years and then after a series of moves, we lost them and decided to buy new ones.  

Back to the nemesis thing... I have a strange ability to always, ALWAYS soak myself when doing the dishes.  You would think I never learned how to play at a water table when I was little.  I don't know what it is, I can see that I'm about to drench myself and my brain is going "abort, abort, abort! Water coming in, About to get wet, ABORT!" but the relay system must be slow because I always end up wet.  I am about to take a vinyl table covering and fashion it into a waterproof apron for myself just to save me from myself and my inability to keep the water in the sink and on my dishes.  I beginning to think the dishes have some alien super power that allows them to override my brain's abort command and watch me dump water all over myself and giggle.

I imagine it goes something like this:
   Dish 1: She's been doing really good on washing us, but this is so boring.
   Dish 2: Yeah, back on planet Dishian we would be doing cannon balls and splashing water everywhere.
   Dish 1: Hey!  What do you think about using our super powers to override her brain and get her to 
dump water...on herself!!!!
   Dish 3: Hey, what are you guys talking about?
   Dish 2: Dumping water on the washer here by using our super powers.
   Dish 3: Sounds great, I'll get the rest to help out...
Insert evil giggle here.

We even have a dishwasher and I can't load that without getting soaked....fail.
Just ridiculousness.